Anonymous asked: <p>can you just say something to make me feel like it’s worth hoping i wake up tomorrow? you always seem to know what to say to people, and right now i’m turning to you because i know you’ll say something worthwhile. fuck.</p>
I don’t know what to say that’ll make it worth it. Things are hard, they are and people always tell me that they’ll get better and it feels like I’ve been waiting forever for them to get better. It’s because my brain is sick and sad and I can’t deal with anything, really. Little things, small changes, obstacles feel earth shattering and overwhelming. My heart constantly sits heavy in my chest and a good portion of my days I’m terrified of this sadness and even more terrified of facing the day. I just, I always do. Tomorrow always comes and I always get up because there are tiny glimmers in each day that show you how worth it, it really is. The friends that make you laugh so hard, or the friends that you know will accept you after you just said something so dumb, the book you haven’t read yet that you one day will that’ll make you feel a little bit more complete, a song that you haven’t heard yet that you’ll play on repeat and cry in your car and feel like at least someone somewhere gets it. Even being alone can be one of those small things, sitting alone in a silent space and just allowing yourself to feel safe and warm, and just feel like it’s enough. I’m never going to tell someone to chin up, or that it gets better, or it could be so much worse- people have told me those things more times than I can count and all of them make me want to hide and disappear because the truth is no one knows anything about tomorrow. I keep going because no matter how bad the day, no matter how much it fucking hurts to be alive right now, there will be something tiny every day that you need to hear, see, read, feel. That’s why I get out of bed, because I need to be there for that moment. I truly hope that those moments, those moments that make it worth it, turn into hours, days, weeks, and years for you and for me and for everyone who is waiting for that… but, those moments have to be enough sometimes.
If you ever want to talk, just send me an unanonymous message and I’ll give you my aim.
You’re not alone and you never will be.
